Chad Smith

I got to do some cool shit this year. I visited two countries I’d long longed to, England and France; went to Texas; saw the Gators win their third football championship; saw them beat Louisiana State in Death Valley; went to a Premier League match; was interviewed on MSNBC; had a few stories featured on Bizarre Florida; had the pleasure of visiting Disneyland Paris; and so on.

But I don’t think I will remember 2009 fondly. After all, it was the year that left us with these enduring images: a seemingly occupied balloon floating over the Colorado desert; the mug shot of the governor of South Carolina, who was thought to be missing in the Appalachian Mountains but was really off bopping some South American broad unbeknownst to his staff (not to mention his family); Tiger Woods’ smashed-up SUV; a Texas military base in chaos; thousands mourning Michael Jackson’s hardly untimely death; protesters around my age dying on the streets of Tehran.

Personally, and privately, I endured some bombshells. But one of my public milestones was giving in to Twitter.

If ever there was a symbol of how weird the year was or how bizarre this culture has gotten it would be the rise of that god-damned thing. For better or worse, it gives half-literate folks the power to publish their immediate thoughts, however poorly punctuated or thought-out. I quote one of Sarah Palin’s recent tweets: “c tomrrw’s Healthcare Takeover vote=the sleeping giant will awaken&action will b takn by’average’Americans as lite shines on big govt growth.”

At this rate, English might well be dead at this point in 2010. Then again, I might be too. Just in case I’m not, I’ve made a list of general instructions to myself:

1. Read more books
2. Play more basketball
3. Work on tennis serve and ground strokes
4. Buy more shoes
5. Put out the Tom Porter Went Electric record
6. Get a tattoo
7. Write better
8. Use more profanity
9. Go interesting places

Viva MMX.